i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize