i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize