I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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