Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
