My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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