i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
