mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
