Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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