do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
