That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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