I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
