I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
