He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just invented taco cereal.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
