I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize