i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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