ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
