theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
