can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
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