I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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