I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Me too!
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize