Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize