matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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