Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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