she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
