Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
then he tried to convert me to islam
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
