The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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