I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
