woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize