I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
