bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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