I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
