And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
