I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
