Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
