You just made me feel so damn special
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
