he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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