his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
