shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I want to fling myself into the sun
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
