Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
