Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
