I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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