Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
