i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize