Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
