You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
