May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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