The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
just come out here and I will go home with you...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
