I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
