My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
