She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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