Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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