I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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