Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
