the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
