but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
