He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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