this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
