Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
