Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
