Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize