How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
