she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
