do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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