shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Randomize
