I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
