Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
