You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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