i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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