I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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